Have you ever gone to a Fast and Testimony Meeting feeling like you had something to share and then NEVER got up out of your seat?
That's what happened to me today. I came into the chapel, opened up the program and noticed that today was the sharing of testimonies and immediately my heart began to pound. The pressure was on. I had several things that were on my mind as things I could potentially share but there was one story that stuck out to me the most and the more I thought of it the better I felt about sharing it. However, I have a tendency of running things through my head so many times that I can't decide how to deliver it. Before I knew it, Sacrament Meeting was over and the Bishop was wrapping things up and telling us to open up our Hymn books. I was so mad at myself. I don't share my testimony often, but today I felt like I had something to share. I had a message to deliver and I supressed it. I got mad at myself to the point where I left the church feeling defeated. I had let my fear of public speaking and making a fool out of myself get in the way of sharing something that could've inspired someone else. I felt like I let someone down in a big way. I got home to my husband and the first thing I said when I walked in the door was "I had something to share today and I couldn't bring myself to get up out of my seat!" So he said "Well, you can share it with me?" So, I began to pour my heart out to him and immediately started to cry. That's my problem right there. I can't get through two sentences without becoming a complete cry baby. Then I get nervous and can't remember how I had planned on delivering the message and it ends up coming out all wrong. Then I regret getting up to begin with. This is how I felt the last time I spoke in Sacrament. Anyway, obviously, I have some phobias to deal with. Well, lucky for the few who read this blog, you will get to hear my message. Unfortunately, the person in my ward who was SUPPOSED to hear it, will not.
Yesterday I had the opportunity to drive my Grandma Van Cott from West Jordan to Layton. We were going to a Baby Shower for my cousin's wife. It's about a 40 minute drive so we were able to talk about some things. That's one thing I miss about living at home is the conversations I had with my Grandma. My Grandma brought up the topic of her bibliography. She said that she had started one some time ago because her brother and sister were writing one, as well. So, she sat down and started to type things up here and there and was feeling pretty good about what she had written. She asked my brother to come down and to read what she had so far. After reading everything she had put down my brother said "Grandma, you're doing it all wrong. It's supposed to be in chronological order." Discouraged that she was doing it wrong, she deleted everything she had written! She hasn't tried to take on the task since. So, I said "Grandma, don't let that discourage you! It's YOUR story, tell it how YOU want! We can deal with putting it in order later if it's that important." I told her that the most important thing was getting her story down while she can still rememeber it. Who are we to tell her how it's supposed to be?
Well, then my Grandma said something that has stuck with me. She said "Well, my life has been pretty boring. I never did lead a very glamorous life."
I immediately felt so bad for my Grandma. How can she not find that...sad? The last thing I want to say when I'm 80+ years old is that my life has been boring and not worth talking about. My Grandma has worked for the FBI, gotten married and divorced, and pretty much raised three children on her own. And she doesn't see a story in any of that? I want to hear about her trials and how she worked through them. I want to hear about her mistakes and how she learned from them. I want to hear about the moments that brought her happiness and how she was determined to make her childrens lives happy, too. I want to hear about triumphs, hurdles, and holiday traditions. I want to hear about her first time to the Temple, if she remembers her baptism, and her wedding day. I want to hear about how these experiences made her feel. I want to hear of the blessings God has given her and how thankful she if for them. Looking back and saying it's been a boring ride tells me that she has so many blessings that have gone unnoticed. Wake up and look at everything God has given you. Don't let your blessings go unrecognized. We need to be thankful for this ride. Afterall, we're on it for a reason.
Our life on this Earth may not be "glamorous" but, it's our life. Live it how YOU want to. Live it without too many regrets and do the things that make you happy. Give yourself a story to tell.
Tonight my best friend and I went and saw Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. We had heard from a number of people that it was "Weird" to say the least. So, we were expecting a pretty weird movie. Plus, can you expect anything less than weird when Tim Burton is involved? Much to our surprise, it was really good! We both really enjoyed it. It's probably my favorite Tim Burton movie...ever. I can't say I would think it was appropriate for all ages of children though. Even though it's a Walt Disney film. I would say ages 9 and up would be ok.
